Always at First Read online

  I tilt my head back to take in the sight of the gorgeous man holding me…his eyes pooling with tears and his face awash with deep longing and adoration.

  My hands move on their own accord to thread through his hair and I tug him down to me, our lips smashing onto each other as his tears start to fall. The sweetness of his mouth and the saltiness of our tears are pure, magical heaven. I think I just died a happy death. I don’t want to live if it’s without him.

  Our kiss starts to teeter towards an all-consuming need to rip our clothes off and take each other right here, right now. The ache between my legs throbs with an uncontrollable need for him.

  I want him so bad.

  I need him so bad.

  My eyes pop open as Kevin’s hands cup my ass and he lifts me up, my legs automatically wrapping around him. He groans with elated joy and I pull back slightly, laughing against his wet lips, the first time I’ve laughed in so long.

  We are in total bliss until I glance swiftly down the empty hallway and a man appears in my peripheral vision. Dread skates across and shatters my hopes and dreams in one shot. I drop my legs back to the ground. Kevin stills and lets go, shuffling me behind him.

  Andres’s eyes darts to me and Kevin rapidly, his brows bunched up in fury. I try to get in front of Kevin, but he growls and stops me with his big muscular arm.

  “Not now, Angel,” Kevin hisses softly.

  Andres smirks and stalks over. “You do know you have just completely given up your rights to the little bit of freedom Boss gave you.” He scowls before he grabs me by the arm, ready to drag me out.

  Kevin moves his big masculine body and connects his fist with the side of Andres’s head, sending him falling to the ground. I stare in shock, my mouth hanging open. I don’t think Andres saw that coming.

  “Let’s go,” Kevin says, grabbing my hand.

  I want to believe that this will be the end of Roman. That Kevin and I can walk out of here and into our future. But that’s wishful thinking, Roman has his men surrounding the campus, watching me.

  We make it to Kevin’s truck before Roman’s guard stops us. There’s another guard leisurely resting his forearm on the bed of the truck, smirking. Kevin glances down at me and his heart-stopping hazel eyes pool with angst.

  “I’m not going to fail you again,” he promises.

  He moves to take a step, ready to run, his hands tugging mine to follow him, but I stand, unwilling to move. I need to end this now. Roman will never stop; he will hunt us both down and I can’t subject Kevin to that kind of life. He deserves better than what I can give him.

  “Kevin, I can’t leave with you,” I whisper, glimpsing away.

  “Don’t do this,” he begs, his voice breaking. “I will protect you.”

  “I’m pregnant.” I burst into tears.

  Kevin throws his head back and howls.

  Tormenting pain…

  Sadness…

  Frustration…

  Hurt…

  He releases all of it.

  “I’m leaving,” I say with finality, not able to handle his pain.

  My fingers slip away from him, slowly and freely, and a sharp dulling pain sears through my heart. He’s no longer fighting.

  The realization is too much to handle.

  Present

  Fuck.

  This can’t be happening. Those words she just whispered to me…damn it all! He owns her now, and it’s all my damn fucking fault for not stopping her from getting in too deep with him.

  Those tiny fingers of her are slipping away from me and it takes everything I got not to clench down on her hand stopping her from leaving me. Her big brown eyes that I could stare into forever open wide with surprise, then as sadness fills them, she looks away.

  No! Please, no. She thinks I’m giving up on her. If only she can understand what I need to do to keep safe, and without me, she’ll be safe. As long as she is carrying his child, he won’t hurt her.

  God, the truth, is staggering.

  I’m going to destroy him.

  “Go, Angel. Go with them,” I murmur. She shakes her head, her tears flowing like a waterfall down her cheeks. “Don’t cry, baby,” I whisper. “I understand.”

  “No, you don’t,” she says softly, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. She hangs her head and silently cries.

  I want to tuck her hair behind her ears and dry her eyes for her.

  I want to rub gentle circles around her shoulder to ease her tensions away.

  I want to wrap her in my arms and make everything okay.

  But I don’t do any of those things. Instead, I stand unwavering, watching her break the fuck down.

  “Goodbye, Kevin,” she whispers with her head still hung forward.

  I come undone. My fists clench at my sides and the urge to punch something overwhelms me. I need to get out of here. But she needs to hear what I’m going to tell her, what I had her promise me in the past.

  “Don’t forget about me,” I say softly.

  She blinks and narrows her eyes slightly. Before she can register and respond to what I’ve just told her, I turn and walk away.

  Please forgive me, Angel.

  Plans have been thought out and need to be in motion. That motherfucker will lose everything he’s working so hard to protect and keep safe. I’m taking over Marcus’s company.

  I walk as far away as I possibly can and pick up my phone to make a call I needed to make a long time ago.

  He picks up on the first ring. “Where’s my niece?” he barks.

  “She’s safe,” I sigh.

  “Is she with you?” he impatiently asks.

  I close my eyes, letting out long shallow breaths before breaking the bad news to him. “I sent her back to stay with him.”

  “You what?” he roars, leaving a ringing in my ear.

  “I’m on my way to kill you,” Greg growls and disconnects the call.

  I call him back, and he picks up after the first ring. “Look, Greg. Listen to me before you react again—”

  “I kept away long enough. You asked me to trust you, and now my niece is with a man that will most likely kill her.”

  Fuck. This phone call is going to end badly.

  “She has leverage over her life,” I say simply.

  “And what the hell might that be.”

  “She’s pregnant with his child,” I say hoarsely. Those words should never come out of my mouth about the woman I love.

  “Fucking hell,” he whispers.

  “I need you to come into play now,” I say.

  “Kevin, why did you let this happen to her?” Greg asks with pain in his voice.

  “She needed to work out her life on her own, and I was occupied with fixing a twenty-six year family problem…I should have fought harder to keep her away from him…”

  “Have you got your family problem all situated?” he asks.

  “Yes, we’re a happy family now. Unicorns and rainbows and all that shit.” I laugh bitterly.

  “Good. Now it’s time, son,” he says quietly.

  “I’ll call Natalie and have her take me to the airport.”

  “Be safe and I’ll see you soon.”

  Greg hangs up, leaving me alone to remind myself of what I’ve just done. I turn around, almost bumping into a girl who is walking a little too close behind me, and I say my apologies as I side step around her. The guards are still standing by my truck, but Angel’s gone. She really is gone.

  And I don’t know when I’ll see her again.

  Anger boils in my blood and I rush back to where I left her.

  “Step away from my truck, asshole!” I growl, connecting my elbow to his fucking temple, and he crumbles to the ground without a fight. The guard standing by the passenger door moves to tackle me, but he’s not fast enough. I grab the fucker that I knocked down, guns’ ready to aim, but at the same moment a hard object is pressed into my back.

  “I could kill you right now, shithead, but that’d be too
easy. Making you suffer will be much more enjoyable.” Andres laughs coldly. “Think of her often, and while you rot in the hell you’re living in, know that Boss is taking her pussy every night.”

  My body constricts into a tight coil, ready to combust. Every fiber of my soul is tainted with his words. I’ve been smothering my maddening thoughts of how he’s been having Angel, every disgusting way; ways that I might not be able to live with.

  But that’s the crazy thing about love; you live and die for love. You still fall for love, even when love chokes you, leaving you breathless, clinging to that one last puff of air.

  I love Angel and I will endure it all for her.

  “There’s nothing you can do to me that hasn’t been fucking done before,” I growl. “So shoot, motherfucker.”

  “That would be too easy.” Andres chuckles. “Now say night-night.”

  A blow lands to the back of my head and darkness beats my moment to react.

  Present

  I watch Kevin walk away from me, every second becoming the excruciating truth that he’s leaving me for good and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.

  A strong arm covered in expensive Italian fabric wraps itself around my waist, and the familiar warmth of his body consumes my senses, jolting my mind from Kevin.

  “Time to go home,” he murmurs, leading me away from Kevin’s truck.

  Roman is quiet, lost in his own thoughts as we climb into the escalade. I take my seat and stare out the window to look for Kevin.

  “Today is your last day of school,” he says softly.

  I turn slightly, casting my eyes down and wringing my hands. He stops me by placing his big hand over mines. “We’re moving to Italy,” he murmurs.

  “No,” I whisper, shaking my head.

  “We’ll be good in Italy. Your mind will not wonder off to where it shouldn’t be.”

  “I don’t want to move,” I beg softly. “My life is here. I belong here…please.”

  “Enough, “he growls. “I’ve given you chance after chance to prove yourself trustworthy. I will not wait any longer.”

  My head falls forward as weakness takes over my body. There’s no fight left in me. The man I love walked out of my life, and the man sitting here is my future. A future I want nothing apart of.

  My hand moves on its own away from Roman’s and gently caress my stomach. “I love you,” I mouth.

  Roman’s hand comes to mine again and we both lovingly rub my stomach together. “I love our child so much already,” he whispers.

  I burst into tears. How do I continue to hate someone who loves a part of me more than I can comprehend?

  I can’t.

  The hate I have for him melts away.

  He wipes my tears with the pad of his thumb. “In Italy you’ll have no distractions. We’ll be your main priority,” he says softly.

  I lift my head and touch my palm to his cheek, letting my emotions run high with feelings that I thought were long dead. I’m falling again for him.

  “I’m leaving to Italy right now because there’s business I need to tend to. I will be back in a week. Use the time I’m gone to get your affairs in order. We will leave when I get back.” He grabs me and moves me to straddle his lap. He instantly catches my lips with his and kisses me intensely. My heart thumps erratically, ready to combust out of my chest. His hands are in my hair gripping and pulling enough to arch my head back, exposing my neck to him.

  “My sweet Angel is back,” he murmurs, smiling seductively. That mile of his sends tingles down my body every time.

  “I never left,” I whisper.

  “You did, I felt it in your kiss. But now you’re back.”

  “I’m back,” I say softly, shrugging out of his grip and falling forward to relax on his chest.

  “You belong to me, Angel.”

  I may belong to Roman, but Roman doesn’t belong to me, not fully. There’s a part of his life that he has already signed his soul to, and there isn’t room for anyone else.

  He shifts in his seat, gently lifting me off of him. “Time for you to get inside.”

  Vinny parks the SUV in the driveway and gets out to open the door for us. We leave the vehicle together and he walks me to the front door.

  “Be good, baby,” he says before capturing me with a passionate, daze inducing kiss.

  He leaves right after, sending me inside to a house full of guards watching me.

  I feel so alone.

  Present

  Lying in a puddle of my own blood waiting to die is not how I thought my life would end. I grasp at what little strength I have, pushing myself to stay alive. My hand scrapes along the sharp ground and rough cuts slice along my palm as I desperately try to find my phone.

  Darkness wins over my will to live and I lose my fight. My body is ready to take me under…

  A woman screams in the far distance. My name is being called out repeatedly. Moments later, sirens etch into the dark cloud surrounding my body. Hands move around me. I feel myself being lifted, then I slip into a peaceful, comfortable sleep.

  Past ~ 23 years old

  I thought I could forget about her.

  But that intoxicating scent…the feel of her heavenly body on me and the way her full, pouty lips feel on mine…she haunts me every night. And fucking hell, I want to hate her. She chose the pills over me. I refuse to live with another addict, always being number two to their addiction, but how can I let her go?

  I know she’s made for me.

  It’s been a year. One whole fucking year since I last saw her, and I would sell my soul to redo that day a million times over.

  I take the last swig of beer and hurl the bottle across my apartment. I feel nothing as it hits my wall and shatters. I grab another empty bottle from the coffee table and stand up, hurling it, as well. I grab another and another until all twenty bottles are broken, unable to piece together again.

  Just like me.

  I cast my eyes down to my arms and laugh weakly. The pale skin I was born with is long gone and in its place are arts of ink that proudly showcase my pain. Numbness was what I’d craved when the needle was puncturing me, but in the wake of it all, I grieve for what I was running away from. I sway backwards, my mind heavy with sorrow for dreams that never came true. At this moment, I wish I had that genie in a bottle to grant me three wishes then maybe, just maybe, I’d finally be able to live the life I thought I’d be living now.

  I sold my half of the real estate firm to Daniel; he’s now the sole owner of what I bled tirelessly for. I wanted to punch him in the face after I signed away my soul next to the arrow, and simultaneously beg his forgiveness for falling in love with his daughter and changing the course of our lives.

  I thought that day was the last day I would ever see him or Angel again. But he had to fucking call, sending me backwards to wallow in my heartbreak.

  I sway again as a knock comes from my front door. Daniel. Anger boils up in my guts. Why is he doing this to me? I stumble to the door, my head spinning as I let him in.

  “Your drunk,” he tells me flatly as he walks to the kitchen, taking a seat on a bar stool.

  Deciding against joining him in the kitchen, I stagger back to the couch and slouch, facing away from his worried eyes.

  “Why are you doing this to yourself?” he asks, sounding concerned.

  I laugh bitterly. “Why are you here?”

  “I’m here to set you straight.”

  “Leave, Daniel. I don’t need your shit right now,” I slur, my head spinning again.

  “Have you looked at yourself lately? What the hell happened here? There’s broken beer bottles everywhere.” He gesture angrily to the floor. “You can’t go on like this.”

  “I’m doing just fine,” I tell him, getting up off the couch and walking towards my bedroom. “You can see yourself out.”

  “Kevin!” He advances towards me and slams me against the wall near my bedroom. “Listen up, son. You can push and kick all you want, but I’m
not leaving your life anymore. I gave you time to get over what you needed to get over, but clearly you’re not able to do it yourself.”

  I furiously stare him down and huff out the resentment I hold for him, but seeing the pain I’m causing him, my rigid body slacks. It’s time I stop being strong by myself. I know deep down to the very fiber of my being that I need Daniel to help carry the heavy loads of life I’m unable to carry alone.

  My head falls forwards in surrender and Daniel hugs me, just like when I was young, letting me know he will always be there for me.

  “Go take a shower and sober up.” He thumps my back with his hand, then leaves me to grab a broom from the closet to clean up my mess.

  I head into my room and shower quickly. I dress in jeans and a white t-shirt before heading back out to my living room. My eyes widen in disbelief. Marcus is out on the balcony with Daniel, deep in conversation. A sense of belonging washes over me, seeing him here.

  A part of my home is here.

  I stalk over and hug my best friend quickly, our hands slapping each other’s back.

  “Hey, man, what brings you here?” I ask, grinning.

  “I’ll let you guys catch up,” Daniel announces before Marcus can answer me, walking back inside. “I’ll see the both of you tonight. Kevin, Marcus has the info. Don’t be late.”

  “Where the hell are we going?” I ask Marcus, annoyed with Daniel’s evasiveness.

  “Your company’s annual party,” Marcus says, looking perplexed.

  Damn Daniel and his “know no bounds always strategizing” mind. He clearly knows Marcus can get me to go.

  I open my mouth to cue him in on the current status of my employment, but the image of Angel in her emerald dress hits me like a freight train, reminding me again how I stupidly walked away. I need to see her.

  “Oh, that’s right. It’s tonight. Slipped my mind,” I lie. I have to. As much as he’ll drag me to go because of Daniel, he’d equally stop me from going if he knew that Daniel was the cause of my downfall.