Always at First Read online

  Before she can come back out and spank me, I ran to the kitchen sink, step onto my stepping stool and wash all the dishes.

  The ten minutes pass, and I am drying up the last plate. My mom wobbles over to me, her face red.

  “Kevin, didn’t I tell you to be done in ten minutes?” she spat, spit flying out of her mouth. Mom is always angry when she drinks her special drink, and she likes to hit me until I cry or lock me in my room without giving me dinner.

  I’m scared, so I put the last dish away and cup my penis to keep my pee in. The last time mom hit me harder because I peed my pants.

  “Mom, I’m going right now,” I say when she moves closer to me.

  “Go!” she screams, pointing with her finger.

  I run away to the laundry room. Where is my dad?

  I stuff all the laundry in the washer and walk carefully back to the kitchen, looking back and forth for my mom. My stomach growls, wanting food, but mom only cooks when she doesn’t drink her special drinks.

  I open the refrigerator to look for something to eat. There’s nothing. I hug my stomach and walk back to my room, hoping my dad will not miss today.

  I see mom lying face down on her bed snoring and I smile. Mom is happy and sleeping.

  I hear the front door open and I scream with joy, “Dad!”

  He comes from around the corner and picks me up, hugging me close. “Where’s your mom?”

  “She’s sleeping.” I smile and point to her room.

  “Sleeping? Did you eat dinner yet?”

  “No.”

  “And where are your brother and sister?”

  “They all went out.”

  “Why didn’t you go with them?”

  “Because their dad said I couldn’t go. That I had to stay home and wait for you,” I whimper out a little cry. I really wanted to go with them.

  Dad says something under his breath that I can’t hear, then squeezes me in for another hug before telling me to go to my room.

  “I’ll be right back, then we’ll go get something to eat,” he says, rousing my hair.

  I smile and walk into my room, closing the door behind me.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I hear my dad asked.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Daniel!” my mom screams. “Get the fuck out!”

  “I didn’t come here to see you.” My dad sounds mad. “I came to see Kevin and I’m so damn glad I came today.”

  “He’s not fucking yours!” my mom screams louder.

  “You know that if I had the rights to take him, he would have left the day I left!” My dad is yelling now.

  “Fuck you! You think you can come here once in a while and play the superhero. Do you know what that does to him? He fucking sits there all day waiting for your sorry ass to come see him!”

  “Sign him over to me like I asked you too and he will be with me in a home that’s healthy for him.” My dad’s voice is low now.

  “I will not give up my son!”

  “You clearly don’t love him. Why are you keeping him?”

  “He’s my fucking son, asshole!”

  “Then be a mom to him! He’s alone and hungry while your lazy, drunk ass sleeps!”

  “Fuck you. I’m a good mom.”

  “I’m done talking to you. Kevin is hungry and I’m taking him to get something to eat.”

  “He’s not your fucking son. Stop coming over.”

  “I’m all he’s got.”

  My dad opens my door. “Hey, buddy, are you ready to go?”

  “Dad, why did mom just say I’m not your son?” I question, bouncing off my bed.

  “I’m your dad in every sense of the word.” He pats my shoulder as he smiles.

  I laugh and grab his hand. “What does that mean?”

  “That I love you very much.” This time he pats my head, messing up my hair.

  “Dad,” I whine, breaking away from him and running out of the house. Dad chases me, then catches me and lifts me up so I can become an airplane. He runs around the yard and I fly. I love my dad.

  “Dad, why don’t you live with us anymore?” I ask when he sets me down.

  Dad looks away and frowns before he answers. “Someone important needs me as much as you need me, so I have to be there for her too. One day you’ll come live with us and we’ll be a family again.”

  “Is mom coming?”

  Dad sighs deeply and frowns again. “Your mom isn’t able to go.”

  He opens the car door for me, shutting my questions down, but I don’t care as long as I get to go with him to his new place.

  I climb into the car and my dad drives away from the house. I am sad again. I wish Mom could come with us.

  Present

  The bright morning sun shines through the thick Venetian curtains, highlighting my regret. I’m falling deeper into a life…no, a world I’m unsure will be safe for my child, but yet I’ve agreed to marry a man I know nothing about so that my baby can have a family with two parents living together. The sea of confusing emotions is unbearable, but I need to be strong enough to survive the waves of constant longing for a man I desperately need to release.

  Roman is no longer pressed up against me. He has left me alone, yet again, and I’m naked and cold as I wake up from my dreamless sleep.

  Laughing voices flow to me, coming from a nearby room, so I listen closely.

  “Yeah, I wanted to kill that motherfucker.” The voice laughs, menacingly. “He wanted to be a tough guy and tried to take me on.”

  Another voice mumbles something I couldn’t make out.

  “Boss’s latest pussy is in love with that fucker, Kevin or some shit, but when she gets sprung up with Boss and forgets about him, he’ll kill that fucker.”

  I bolt off the couch to find the voices, but I was so engrossed in the conversation that I didn’t see Roman reenter the room. He stalks over to me, grabbing me around the waist and hauling me to him, my back pressed against his front.

  “They’re not supposed to be in the house,” he growls low and deadly. “I’ll take care of them.”

  “What he’s saying…is it true?” I whisper, tears streaming down my face.

  Dead silence.

  “Get off me!” I shout, using all my energy to try and break free from him, but he holds me in place as I struggle.

  I’m fighting a fight I’ve already lost.

  “Stop,” he orders calmly.

  My head falls forward and I sob quietly.

  I hear pounding footsteps approach us. Roman speaks in Italian, his voice sending shivers down my body, then the footsteps leave the room quietly.

  “Don’t try anything while I’m gone,” he murmurs near my ear. “Everyone will be here to have breakfast with us, so I need you to be good.”

  He unwraps himself from my body and leads me back to the couch, setting me down. I watch him walk away until he shuts the glass door, then I’m back on my feet, heading for the front door.

  The sun is shining brightly as I burst outside and my feet move on their own, running toward freedom. The Iron Gate stops me momentary, trapping me in before I start to climb. I hear men shouting, and I see them running towards me, but nothing can stop me as I push myself to climb faster.

  I fall to the other side, scraping my hands and knees. I let myself have a moment of disbelief—I made it!

  I jump to my feet and take off running again. No one is coming after me, but I run faster. My lungs burn, my face is heated and flushed, and my body aches all over, but I can’t stop running. I run across the rocky roads and into the mountains of Italy.

  Toward civilization, I hope.

  Damn, Kevin. Damn him for throwing my phone away. How am I supposed to call him now?

  I stop running and walk as the little shopping town comes into view. Hope fills and wrap around my body, giving me more energy to keep walking.

  I walk past the town toward the road that Kevin and I were just on yesterday, hoping to find my discarded phone, and I do, bu
t as I approach my taunting pink device, realization sinks in. The phone is dead. I bend down and snatch it up anyway, tucking it in the back pocket of my jeans. Paper, scrapes the tip of my fingers.

  The money Maura gave to me.

  I sigh with joy, turning back around to the tiny town and toward the only hotel. As I walk, my eyes continually scan for Roman and his men.

  The hotel’s front lobby is small and cozy. An arm chair sits next to the fireplace, and the front desk is just a table, laptop and chair. The woman sitting in the chair greets me in Italian.

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t speak Italian, I’m here on vacation and need a room.”

  She smiles and usher me to take a seat in front of her. I do, placing my hand on my lap nervously.

  “How do you like it so far?” she asks, speaking in English.

  I smile. “I’m just very tired and would like to get a room as soon as possible.” I glance toward the door.

  “Of course,” She says eyeing me. She types something on the laptop and reaches into a drawer, pulling out a key.

  She gets up and retrieves some papers from the printer, the sits back down. “Sign here and here,” she says, marking an X with her pen.

  I do as I’m told, then pull out the money from my pocket. When I’m done signing, I hand her the wad of bills, but she shakes her head. “Mr. Conti has arranged for payment already.”

  No.

  No.

  No.

  No!

  I stare in shock, then my eyes dart to the papers I just signed. My name and Roman’s name are printed on the top. A fucking contract.

  She snatches the papers off the desk, pushing the key towards me. “Go down the hall to the very end. Your room is number 10 to your right.” She points toward the hallway with her pen.

  This can’t be happening.

  I shake my head, gasping as I push myself up and off the chair. I beeline to the door, my heart pounding.

  “You can’t leave. Mr. Conti has ordered that you stay put until he meets you in your room…the guards are outside to make sure you do as you’re told.” She smiles again.

  “You bitch.” I whisper, feeling completely hopeless.

  She giggles. “Please, go to your room.”

  Chills attack my body as I pace the gold rug, my hands pulling and tugging on the hem of my sweater. What do I do now?

  The room will have windows.

  I walk calmly to the key and grab it off the table, ignoring the red haired bitch, and make my way down the hall. As I unlock the door, hopes seeps through me.

  The room is more like an apartment, and yes, there are windows. There is even a glass door to walk out and enjoy the breathtaking view, but three of his men are already outside enjoying the mountains of Italy. I slump onto a chair next to me and cover my face with my hands.

  He wins again.

  I sit for hours.

  My hands rub my face raw, then they bunch up in my hair, tugging roughly, until finally I just rest them on my lap as I bounce my legs, anxiously waiting for him.

  The door opens and he strolls into the room, shutting the door behind him and locking it with a key. He unbuttons his dark-blue suit jacket before he pulls out a chair from under the dining table, then sits and rests his elbow on the table, his fingers rubbing his temple.

  “You could have gotten hurt. My baby could have gotten hurt,” he whispers, eyes cast down. “This ends today, Angel.”

  “What ends today?” I stupidly ask. I flinch and close my eyes as I wait for his response.

  “If you act out again, I’m afraid my restrain to punish you will not hold anymore. I’ve been lenient with you, very lenient, but it’s time you stop defying me.” He reaches out and grips my chin. “Do you understand?”

  I believe every single word he’s telling me.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “We’re going back to the house tonight, and you will be on your best behavior as the doting fiancée. Our announcement will be during dinner.” He lets go of me then stands up and walks over to the kitchen, picking up the phone. He orders food to be brought to the room.

  When he comes back, he removes his black silk tie and suit jacket, draping them over the chair. I watch as he unbuttons the top button of his dress shirt, then he reaches out to me again, taking my hand and pulling me off my seat. He leads me to the bedroom.

  “Take off your clothes,” he orders.

  I wrap my arms around myself. He’s testing me.

  “Now,” he growls.

  My eyes shoot up, catching his hard set jaw. Without any more hesitation, I start to strip, watching his eyes become dark and stormy.

  He takes every piece of clothing from me and tosses them on the floor until I’m just in my red lace panties. He stops me, his fingers roaming, caressing my hips where skin meets lace. I gasp from the sensation, closing my eyes.

  A knock comes from outside the room.

  His head tilts forward, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Don’t move.”

  He walks away and I stand unmoving, goose bumps attacking my body. He returns with a platter of antipasto, his body brushing against me as he walks by and sets the tray down on the bed.

  “Sit baby,” he whispers.

  I take a seat on the edge of the bed, my gaze locked on him as he picks up a piece of cheese and brushes it softly against my lips. My mouth opens slowly, and my tongue darts out, tasting what he’s giving me. He groans when I lick my lips and take the cheese from him, my front teeth scraping his fingers.

  He pushes me back gently, and my back arches as I fall backwards, displaying my breasts. Roman moves to stand between my legs, spreading me open for him. One hand grips my inner thighs as the other moves to rub my clit. My only shield from him is the lace that continues to cover me.

  “Angel,” he breathes, his eyes blazing and filled with desire.

  I pull him down to me and give him what he needs; my lips capture his and our kiss devours each other. He breaks away, resting his forehead on mine, eyes closed. I’m breathless and full of energy knowing I have the power to make him vulnerable.

  “Roman,” I murmur.

  “Hmmm…” He’s no longer resting. His lips kiss down my cheek to the curve of my neck to the valley of my breasts. He drags his tongue around my nipple, teasing me, then his lips continue down my stomach all the way to my panties. A finger hooks my panties to the side and his thumb rubs delicious circles around my pussy, pressing on my clit.

  I moan and gasp, letting go of my inhibition. God, I hate myself.

  My panties are tugged down my legs and ripped off around my ankles, snapping me out my sex-crazed state.

  “Roman,” I whisper in a panic.

  “Yes, Angel?” he questions, irritation laced through his words.

  “I…we need to talk,” I stammer.

  “Talk?” he says, working his jaw.

  “Yes,” I whisper, not making eye contact. I scoot up the bed until I touch the pillows sitting against the headrest.

  He moves like a lion stalking his prey until he reaches me, and I brace myself for his attack. “What is it, Angel?” he asks impatiently.

  “Come lie next to me,” I say, motioning my finger for him to come towards me. I need him relaxed and in a state of bliss to get him to agree with what I’m about to ask.

  He comes to me, and I move so we’re both lying on our side; me behind him, my breast pressed against his shoulder blades and my leg draped over him.

  “I signed a contract today,” I state, tracing my fingers up and down his chest. “I don’t know what for, but I will sign another, for whatever you want of me. All I am asking is—”

  “You’re trying to negotiate with me,” he says amusingly, resting his head on my shoulder.

  He’s so full of himself. “Enlighten me, go ahead.” He lazily squeezes my thigh.

  “I want you to forget about Kevin, as if he doesn’t exist,” I whisper, my heart pounding. I feel Roman’s muscles ti
ghten, so I quickly continue before he can stop me. “And I will do the same. From this day forward, I will be yours. You can have me as you please.” I bite down on my lips after my last words, willing myself not to cry.

  I just signed my soul to the devil, to protect Kevin.

  I just hope he will forgive me.

  “Sure,” he says easily. The devil doesn’t show emotions when he’s taking your life.

  “Make love to me,” I whisper.

  I need this. I need him to take my body and make me forget what I’ve done, even for a fraction of a moment.

  Roman turns, pressing me to the bed. I unbutton his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders, my hands gingerly touching his skin, until I reach his biceps. He thrusts a finger inside of me, taking me by surprise, and my hands clench around his arms as my eyes roll back, letting him manipulate me into full submission.

  “You’re drenched,” he breathes, kissing and sucking the curve of my neck.

  He stretches me wide with two more fingers and I gasp. My hands bunch in his hair, gripping and yanking. “Oh my God,” I whimper.

  Roman expertly twists and pumps his fingers in and out of me, faster and faster. I can’t take anymore; my body tightens, ready for a mind blowing orgasm.

  “Look at me,” he murmurs, slowing his pace, but continuing to leisurely slide his fingers in and out of me.

  My eyes pop open in annoyance. I was so close!

  “Your body belongs to me, every part of you is mine.” He thrusts his digits deeper inside of me.

  I’m half listening and half out of my mind with the torture he’s delivering me. “Roman, please,” I beg, breathing shallowly.

  “You’ve been a bad girl, Angel,” he murmurs.

  “I’m yours, I’m always yours,” I gasp, clawing my hands down his back. “Make me come, please.”

  Roman lifts himself up, placing a hand on the lowest part of my tummy and pushing down. His fingers curl, rubbing my g-spot as he thrusts deeper, melting my insides. He is driving me out of my mind. My body floats higher and higher to the explosive orgasm I’ve been begging for, and I scream, letting my body get drunk with lust. My knees squeeze together as I come down from my bliss.