Always at First Read online

I follow him to his station, and my mood lifts and my body calms, anticipating the escape I need.

  After six hours, I finally walk out of the tattoo shop with a numb arm and heart. I leave my car and trek to the beach across the street. It’s dark out now, and most of the beach goers are nearly gone. I sit my ass down on the sand and bring my knees to my chest, resting my forearms on them as I stare out to the ocean. I watch the waves and try to ignore the group of teenagers who are attempting to start a bonfire, but my eyes land on her and everything around her stills.

  All I see is her.

  I can’t look away as I watch her long, dark locks fly all around her face, making her more worldly and God like. She’s breathtaking.

  She glances my way, sensing my eyes on her and moves her hair away from her face. She turns away, not recognizing me, and my body fills with disappointment. I will myself to look away from her too, but as my eyes drift away, she turns back to me, wide-eyed. She drops whatever is in her hand and makes her way over to me.

  I wait with a smile as my unexpected surprise approaches me.

  “Are you stalking me?” she hisses when she’s standing in front of me and all I see are her legs.

  I pretend not to be hurt from her harsh greeting and stand up to face her. I can’t help smirking when my eyes land on her pouty face, but she glares back.

  I need to leave.

  She steps closer to me. “Are you going to answer me?” she whispers, her hardness gone.

  Why are you so angry all the time?” I mutter, glancing back up to her beautiful face. Tell me so I know how to make you happy.

  The fire in her eyes dims and her scowl falls off her face.

  “I…never mind.” She turns to walk away.

  I grab her arm. “Don’t go…”

  She stops, letting me pull her back. “Are you a serial killer?” she asks when she turns back to face me.

  “If I tell you I’m not, will you stay and talk to me?”

  She starts to giggle but stops herself. “We’re staying right here, where my friends can see us.”

  “Okay.” I gesture for her to sit.

  She plops her ass down and pulls me down to sit next to her. My body heats up from her touch. Damn.

  “So here we are…” I whisper.

  “I’m sorry about today, it’s—”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself but let me guess, bad day?”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “But now it’s better?”

  “Yes…I think so.” She bites down on her bottom lip. “I still want to apologize for my behavior though.”

  “Apology accepted.” My lips curve up into a grin.

  She leans in closer to me and mimics my grin, her head almost touching my shoulder. I have the urge to pull her in and hold her close.

  “So why were you there?” she asks.

  “Job interview,” I answer. She lights up. “And you?”

  “Personal business.” She smirks.

  “As in you’re dating someone that works there?”

  “No!” She laughs, pushing me sideways. Her palm stays on my arm where the bandage is wrapped.

  She softly rubs to feel the protective cover. “What’s underneath your shirt?”

  “Personal business,” I tease.

  She pouts. “Let me see your tattoo.”

  “No, I’m using it for insurance to see you again. And how do you know it’s a tattoo?””

  Her eyes twinkle. “Lucky guess.” She shrugs with a smirk. “I want to get one too. Maybe a bunch of them…”

  “I don’t peg you for a tattoo loving girl.”

  “You don’t look like one either, pretty boy,” she teases.

  I laugh and kiss her cheek. Fuck. I shouldn’t have done that.

  She freezes and presses her hand where my lips just left. “What’s happening?” Her voice comes out in a slight panic as she gasps.

  “I’m—”

  “No,” she whispers. “Don’t say it.” She fists my collar into her palm and tugs me to her. “I’m going to kiss you…I want to know how it feels…”

  Before I can stop anything from happening, her mouth crushes mine, and her hands move to fist my hair, yanking it. My arms wraps around her, bringing her body to mine as she straddles my lap and I cup her ass, squeezing her cheeks.

  I think my heart has stopped and I’m floating to heaven. Her kiss…my God, her kiss. I’ve never felt anything so damn perfect before. If I’m dying, please don’t let me live if it means I can kiss her forever.

  She breaks away, tugging my bottom lip with her. “Wow,” she breathes. “That was amazing.”

  I watch her chest rise and fall. She’s breathless. I can feel my own heart pounding in my ears as she treads her hand through her hair fixing it, not meeting my eyes.

  “Angel, what the fuck?” A kid from her group yells over to us. “You gonna face fuck him all day?”

  I stare with a dangerous warning at the geeky, blonde haired kid.

  “I should go,” she says softly. “Brad will keep yelling at me until I go back.”

  “Don’t let him talk to you like that.”

  “It’s okay, we all talk to each other like that.” She sighs. “Come back here tomorrow, same time, okay? I want to see your tattoo.” She stands up and smiles shyly before walking off.

  I stare after her for a few minutes, then realizing I look like a creep, I stand up. She turns from her friends and waves, and I wave back before I walk to my car.

  I return the next day, same time, but he doesn’t show. I go back to the beach and wait for her every day at the same time for a month, hoping to run into her, but I don’t. I want so damn bad to agree to one of Daniel’s invites to their family dinners, just to see her again, but there is no way I can do that to my sanity, and I don’t trust my reaction to seeing their happy family life. There is no way around it. I’m not going to see her again unless it’s by chance.

  That chance did come ... Four years later

  Present

  The tight ache in my heart reminds me of the betrayal of last night. How can I be so weak? I plant my palms on Roman’s chest and push myself up, but he wraps his arms around me and pull me back down.

  “Where are you going?” he murmurs against my shoulder.

  “I was getting up to use the bathroom.” I sigh.

  He rolls over and pins me beneath him, his forearms up next to my face as his body spreads my legs apart. His erection presses roughly against my clit as he moves, the fabric of his trousers scraping me deliciously. I pant and gasp as I cling to him, willing myself not to give in to his manipulation of my body again.

  I tense painfully, fighting my orgasm, and as if he knows what I’m doing, Roman climbs off me and forcefully pulls out his cock, then lifts my hips and slams into me. He stills, and I hear his ragged breathing as he pulls out and pushes back inside of me, slower, gentler. His lips trail my body with tender kisses, making me feel loved.

  The truth hits me, unforgivingly, and I burst into tears. Biting my lips, I sob quietly. Roman is etched into my heart. I will always care for him.

  He stops moving, and I feel his body tightens with anger as he pulls out. I instantly feel an emptiness from the loss of his warm, strong body, so I cover myself with the duvet as I continue to cry softly.

  “Get dressed, Angel. Everyone is waiting for us to have breakfast.”

  I wait, feeling lost and empty, listening to him move around until the sound of silence fills the room. I peel the covers off of me and leave the bed, gathering my clothes off the ground.

  I dress in slow motion as I dry my tears. Roman returns, slamming the door open loudly, and looks me over. I look away and wrap my arms around myself.

  “Ready?” he asks, holding out his hand.

  Without hesitation, I walk toward him and take his hand. We leave the hotel room and as we near the lobby, the woman who helped set me up is sitting at the front desk.

  “Mr. Conti, I have the expense r
eport ready for you to go over.” She smiles.

  He owns the hotel?

  I frown and wrap myself around Roman’s arm, pressing my body snuggly to him. He may be the enemy, but as sick as it sounds, I’m feeling safe with him at this moment.

  “I’ll have Andres come and take a look.” He smiles that devastating smile that makes women do anything he asks of them.

  “Okay.” She nods and smiles back.

  As we walk towards the door, I look back to catch her staring after us with sad, longing eyes. I turn away, not wanting how I feel about her to change. She’s the enemy. She’s a part of Roman.

  “You own the hotel?” I ask him.

  “Yes.”

  He places his palm at the small of my back possessively as we walk to the SUV…the vehicle that led me to the truth of who he really is. He opens the door for me and I let him go, feeling empty and wanted at the same time.

  As I rest in the seat comfortably, I think back to the days of my therapy sessions. My therapist had told me that I have an addictive personality and that I need to be careful. I turn to my latest addiction sitting next to me in the driver seat.

  I wasn’t careful.

  I was careless.

  I let him into my life without questioning who he was. I can’t take my eyes off of him as he drives. Will I ever survive him?

  He parks the car, then steps out and walks around to me, opening my door and taking my hand to help me out. Our hands clasp together as we walk to his estate, and when we enter his home, we are hit with bustling sound of joy. How strange. Just yesterday this place was my prison and I thought of nothing else but escaping, and now I’m happy to be back, basking in the innocence of his family.

  I can hear his mom talking excitedly about an engagement and wedding as we round the corner to meet them in the kitchen, then I stare at the ecstatic faces filled with excitement, ready to combust at any moment as his mom leaves the stove and kisses me quickly on the cheek before grabbing her son away. Ellie walks over to me and hugs me tightly, then I bend down to lift Sophie, giving her a quick squeeze before putting her down again. Marcus Jr. greets me with a light punch me in the arm. I smile and he beams.

  “So the kids found a box on the rug this morning,” Ellie tells me with a grin.

  My lightened mood flickers and dies off as my smile drops. They found the ring—my reminder that I’m Roman’s property. I lift Sophie onto a bar stool and take a seat, not able to meet Ellie’s eyes.

  “Where is it?” I ask after a few beats.

  She opens a drawer from the island and takes out the ring box, setting it on the counter. “It’s safe. The kids brought it right to me when they found it.”

  I laugh bitterly. She thinks I’m upset that I misplaced the box. “Thank you for taking such good care of this, Sophie and Marcus Jr. I was worried all day.” I smile through my lie and pop the lid open.

  “Thank you,” I whisper to Ellie before glancing down at the ring. Feeling the sinking of hope, I blink and fight through my loss.

  Roman snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me to him.

  He’s back.

  He lifts my left hand to his lips and caresses it with soft tender kisses. “You’re mine,” he barely whispers and lets me go. He takes the ring out of the box and takes my left hand again, rubbing his thumb along my ring finger. Our eyes lock and I feel how much he wants to control me, the depths he wants to possess me. He slips the ring down my finger, branding me.

  I am his.

  Cheers and clapping come from his family as they surround us. We hug and kiss, and say our thanks. His mom cries, then wipes her tears and starts cooking again. We gather around the island and wait for her food.

  “Roman, we are heading back to the states tomorrow?” Ellie asks, sitting across from us.

  “Yes,” he answers. “We’re leaving early in the morning.”

  I sit up, hope flooding me once more.

  “You’re excited to go back,” Ellie states.

  I sigh. Why does she always notice everything?

  “Yes, I am,” I whisper.

  Roman kisses my temple. “Excited?” he questions against my ear.

  I angle my head to meet my lips with his. “Yes,” I whisper, then kiss him deeply to end the argument. He takes the bait and kisses me back. When we break, he seems to have forgotten his train of thoughts until he tilts his head and whispers roughly into my ear, “Remember what I ask of you.” He leaves my side to help his mom pass plates of food around.

  “Ew,” Marcus Jr. mutters and laughs. “Get a room.”

  We all laugh, but mine sounds awkward and sad. I feel Roman’s eyes on me, burning me with his blazing stare, so I look down and try to cover my face. When he sets a plate of food in front of me, I’m grateful for the distraction…and maybe everyone was too because no one talks as we dig into our food.

  Present

  I sit and stare out the window of Roman’s private jet. The sparkling rock on my ring finger glistens endlessly, taunting me as I wiggle my hand to try and dissipate the shine attacking my eyes.

  “That is one gorgeous ring.” Ellie beams, mistaking my finger wiggles for gawking at a ring I have no feelings for.

  I glance down and pretend to admire what is supposed to be a symbol of two people irrevocably in love with each other, but my face contorts into sadness, causing Roman to shift in his seat and stroke my lower back, reminding me of his presence. I hesitantly angle my head to catch his dark, stormy eyes, warning me.

  “It is, Ellie,” I respond, smiling at Roman. Inside, I die a little more.

  Roman smiles back—a pretend, tight smile, then checks his platinum band watch.

  Tall Dark and Handsome.

  Sitting next to me in his black, three-piece suit with a silk, silver tie, his foot rests on his knee, and an elbow sits on the chair’s armrest with his arm wrapped around me. He’s generous in and out of bed, he cares deeply for everyone loyal to him, and he’s a man who has more power than I will ever know.

  He has it all.

  “What are you thinking about?” he questions, turning his attention back to me.

  He’s been distant and distracted since we left the hotel. He even left me all alone at his estate the next day, saying he had business that needed to be tended to. I wondered if the business has anything to do with the blonde girl he has locked up. I hope and pray that I can get to her before anything happens.

  I lay my head back, sighing deeply before pushing the images of her to the back of my mind. If I don’t stop thinking about her, I will do something drastic and try to save her now, killing us both. I cover my belly with my hand, reminding myself who needs to come first.

  “Nothing,” I say softly.

  “Nothing?” he repeats in a question. “You were lost in thoughts for a long time and even now you’re still lost in thoughts.”

  “I’m thinking about school,” I lie.

  “School,” he grits softly. “You shouldn’t be in school. You should be at home resting.”

  “Why does she need to be home and resting?” his mom asks, eyeing us suspiciously.

  “Angel hasn’t been feeling well, so I’ve been trying to convince her to stay home and take care of herself,” he says firmly.

  But his mom doesn’t let it go. “What’s going on, Bella?”

  I nervously glance to meet Roman’s eyes, and he sighs slowly and deeply, but Ellie beats Roman to the punch.

  “Mama, it’s their business. We shouldn’t probe. Angel might have some medical issues that she’s not willing to discuss.” Ellie winks and smiles like she just saved the day, but she just made it seem as if I have a serious medical condition.

  Roman coughs into his fist and I see laughter in his eyes. He looks so youthful, his dark soul washed away for a fraction of time. He’s much better this way.

  I feel myself scooting closer to him, wanting to bottle up this lighthearted Roman. Maybe I can seal the bottle shut and open it when he gets into his twiste
d ways, the contents of the bottle changing him back to who he is right now.

  He kisses the top of my head and checks his watch again. I don’t have the right to ask his reason for checking the time so frequently because I am his prisoner and he is my captor.

  “Zio?” Marcus Jr. stirs from his nap, tiredly calling for his uncle.

  Roman massages my lower back, letting me know he’s moving to be with his nephew. I smile, giving him my okay, then immediately cringe. I hate how easily I slip into my doting fiancée persona.

  He leaves and takes a seat next to Marcus Jr. and Sophia. Sophia is still sound asleep, snoring lightly. Roman caresses the hair off of her face before bending over to hear what Marcus Jr. has to tell him. Ellie takes the open opportunity and smiles sincerely as she takes a seat next to me.

  “You’re pregnant?” she asks in a whisper, her tone non-judgmental.

  I glance over to Roman and meet his dark gaze. Our voices cannot be heard at this distance, but he knows. He nods, giving me the okay before he turns back to Marcus Jr. Maura watches our quick exchange and frowns, but continues to read on her kindle.

  “Yes,” I whisper, unable to look at Ellie or Maura.

  “You seem sad?” Ellie asks. “Why?”

  “Everything came as a surprise,” I whisper. “But not really, I guess.”

  “You’re not ready?”

  I pause before answering. Yes, I’m ready…but with the man who holds my heart.

  “I am. It’s just…I wished…” I sigh deeply. “I just wanted to finish school. I moved across the country to do so yet here I am, needing to drop out.”

  “Well, the thing about school is that it’s always going to be there. School will welcome you back with open arms once you’re ready to return.” She smiles sincerely. “Take care of yourself and your baby. Let everything else fall to the side.”

  I burst into tears. “Ellie, I’m pregnant, not crippled. I can do both,” I say through my tears.

  “I’m sorry, Angel. I’m just trying to make light of your situation,” she says sadly. “Roman will force you to quit school, and I don’t want you to be conflicted on what you need to do…I don’t want you stressed.”