Always at First Read online

  “What’s going on?” Maura asks, her eyes narrow. She sets her kindle down and unbuckles her seatbelt.

  Roman ruffles Marcus Jr’s hair and smiles, then sends a look to his mom. She sighs and unhappily relaxes back into her seat. Roman moves his attention back to Marcus Jr, and they talk for a brief moment more before he comes over and reaches his hand out for me. I lace our fingers together and he lifts me up.

  “See you guys in a few hours,” he says before leading me to the private suite. “Take off your clothes,” he commands once the door is shut. I am once again his prisoner.

  After my meltdown, I’m weak and tired, so there’s no more fight in me. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and shrug off my purple Chanel dress, letting it fall to the floor.

  Roman scrapes the cup of my lacy, black bra down, exposing my breast. He pins my nipple between his thumb and index finger, twisting and pinching until I cry out from the pain and pleasure he’s provoking.

  “Oh my God,” I breathe.

  “Why were you crying?” he murmurs, tilting his head to tenderly kiss the curve of my neck.

  “I don’t want to quit school,” I whisper.

  He pinches my nipple harder and twists again. I gasp breathlessly. “You will,” he says with finality. My tears start to fall again. “Enough,” he commands. “Lie down on the bed and spread your legs, knees up.”

  I do as he says, my dignity stripped away from me. He wants this, and he won’t stop until there’s nothing left of me. Until I’m easy to control. I pop a finger in my mouth and suck noisily, watching him. I slowly slide my finger out of my mouth and trail my hand down my body. Roman growls and pounces on top of me, roughly taking my wet finger. “My sweet, Angel, you’re a very beautiful woman. And when you become seductive, I have an urge to submit to your will and lose myself to you, let you take over.”

  Our lips are inches apart. I lift my head and lick his lips, my tongue moving across his lush mouth. “Let me,” I murmur against his lips. “Let me take over.”

  His resolve is near breaking, so close I can taste it. Please give me what I want.

  “Angel,” he breathes.

  “I want to finish this semester. After that, I’ll stay home and get fat,” I spill out quickly. “Please.”

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, his hands roughly grip the inside of my thighs. Then he smooths his hands and rubs down my legs. “I will need you on your best behavior until the semester ends,” he says softly, almost gently, but his words are deep with warning.

  “Yes, yes I will,” I say, sighing with relief.

  “I’ll need you to arrange for different times so that you no longer have classes with him,” he demands, pushing my knees up.

  My heart drops to my stomach. I was stupid to think I might have more time with Kevin before I give my life away. “Yes, I will,” I say sadly.

  His hands clench my knees, his knuckles white, and I wince in pain.

  “Do not make me regret letting you finish your classes,” he says darkly.

  “You won’t,” I gasp out my words.

  He let me go, then moves off of me. I sluggishly open my eyes to find him moving towards the door.

  “Get some rest,” he says hand on the knob. And without another word, he opens the door, walks out and shuts the door behind him.

  I scramble off the bed to look for my dress and burst into tears again. I put my dress on and climb onto the bed, getting underneath the covers.

  I’m defeated.

  Past ~ 22 years old

  I don’t know why I’m here.

  Why I’ve agreed to attend the company’s Christmas party.

  Why I’m standing in a dark corner of the hotel’s balcony watching Angel contemplate jumping over the edge.

  I causally twirl the dry scotch in my cup, waiting for the right time to advance on her. She’s gripping the wood railing, her body hunched over as she cries.

  Fuck, now she’s starting to climb.

  I inch quickly until I’m arms-length from her, ready to grab and haul her to me. “Angel, what the hell are you doing out here? Mom needs you to help with the caterer,” her sister, Lauren hisses.

  Shit. I step away, back to my corner.

  Angel dabs her eyes with her finger. “Sorry, I needed some air.”

  “Well, right now is not the time.”

  Tucking her chin into her neck, Angel follows her sister back inside.

  I stare after them, wanting more than anything to have a chance to talk to Angel again. I finish my drink, set the cup down on the table and re-button my tuxedo jacket before walking back into the reception hall.

  “Hey, there you are.” Daniel hooks an arm around my shoulder and leads me up to the front of the stage. “Can you believe your little office turned into something this extraordinary?”

  “It’s your company too,” I remind him.

  “Yes, but it was all you. I’m proud of you.” He squeezes my arm.

  “Thank you,” I say, feeling a little embarrass.

  Daniel lets me go and slaps my back once. “I’m happy you’re here. We’re finally all together to celebrate your success.”

  “What are you talking about?” A sickening suspicion creeps up my body. “You told them about me?”

  “You’re a big part of my life. I had to tell them about you.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “Everything, son. I told them everything.”

  I feel the wind being knocked out of me, and I catch myself on the back of a chair. I’ve known, from the very bottom pit of my stomach that this day would come eventually. Daniel is my family, so it’s only right to meet the people who are important to him.

  Subconsciously, that is why I came today.

  And Angel…

  The endless longing for her, the dreams that won’t stop starring her…I’ve been a mess for four long years. I can’t do it anymore. I have to see her.

  “I would love to introduce you to them. Would that be okay after the speech?”

  I let the chair go. “If they are okay with meeting me that will be fine.”

  Daniel brightens and I realize how stressed he must have been. “They can’t wait to meet you.”

  “And Angel…how is she doing?”

  He lifts an eyebrow at my question. “She’s good. Not great, but good.”

  “Why?”

  I need to know what is going on in her life.

  I need to know what I’ve missed from staying away from her for so long.

  I need to know if there’s still room for me in her life.

  Daniel’s expression turns thoughtful. “You know, the very first day I laid eyes on my precious baby girl, I pictured you two running through the park holding hands and becoming best friends. I saw you protecting her, being her big brother.”

  Well, damn.

  “I’ll protect her,” I simply say.

  Daniel slaps my back again, smiling proudly.

  “How is she?” I ask again. I need to know.

  “I don’t know, son. She’s been hiding everything from me and she’s hardly home anymore. I’ve tried talking to her, but nothing. She won’t tell me.”

  I sigh. What’s going on with you, Angel?

  “We’ll talk more later. I have to get ready for my speech.”

  “Oh?” I ask, raising my eyebrow. He hadn’t mentioned a speech the night before.

  “My speech is about you,” he tells me, pausing for a moment to gauge my reaction.

  I sigh again. “As long as you don’t point out who I am, go ahead. Brag all you want.”

  “Good, now sit.” He points to an empty chair before taking the stage.

  I slip back into the crowd of people in search of Angel. I stop walking when I spot her. Her long, emerald colored, strapless dress hugs every inch of her curves, showing off her best assets. She smiles that radiant smile of hers, lighting up the room. I smile too and then frown as I notice her talking with a couple of realtors who works for me.
I decide to join their conversation. My guys move away, letting me have what they both were working to get.

  She glances nervously to the retreating men walking away, then lifts her eyes to me. There’s no recognition in them. She doesn’t remember me.

  “Hi,” she breathes.

  I frown. Her eyes are void of the sparkling brightness I’ve fallen in love with, now dull and dilated. Fuck, what the hell is she on?

  Her eyes drop and she blinks nervously. She’s no longer carrying that intensely fierce, wild, bravery personality. This girl in front of me is a complete stranger.

  Guilt rides up, twisting and churning all inside of me.

  I should have continued to show up at the beach for her.

  I should have been there.

  I should have gotten to know her.

  We should have been…

  I contemplate excusing myself, but that scared, unsure look she’s giving me makes it hard for me to just walk away, so I attempt to mask my worries with a smile. “Hi, have we met?” I tilt my head down to get closer to her.

  She shakes her head and tries to lock eyes with me, but she can’t. She keeps blinking and looking away. Finally, she speaks. “No, I don’t think so. Um, are you a guest of someone? Or do you work for the company?”

  God, it hurts more than it should, listening to her admit I’m just another easily forgotten random guy. “I work for the company,” I answer flatly.

  Her eyes lift to me again and she beams. “You must know Matt and James then.”

  “I do,” I say, running my thumb across my lips. I don’t like how she lit up when saying their names. “You know them well?”

  “I do…wait. Why haven’t I seen you around the office?” She cocks her head to the side trying to remember if she’s seen me before. She smiles and drops her gaze again. I beat down the urge to grip her chin and force her to keep her beautiful brown eyes on me.

  “I’m usually working from home or meeting with clients. I don’t get to the office until we close for the day.” So I don’t ever run into you.

  “Oh…” She bites down on her bottom lip and looks away again.

  I had enough. “Look at me,” I command gently. She lifts her head. “Why are you always at the office?” I ask roughly.

  “I go and visit my dad,” she stammers as she tucks her hair behind her ears. “Um, I should get to my seat. My dad is about to give his speech.” I’ve scared her and now she’s trying to get away.

  I soften my tone. “My apologies for keeping you. May I escort you to your seat?” I extend my hand to her. Please don’t refuse me.

  “Yes.”

  She takes my hand and I let out a sigh of relief as I hook her arm into the nook of my elbow and encourage her to take the lead. She glances my way with a small smile every few steps we take.

  When we get to the table near the stage where her family is already seated, she drops her arm. I see Daniel talking to several of our most important clients.

  “Thank you,” she whispers. “Will you be staying after dinner?”

  “Only if you save me a dance.” I smile crookedly. So I can have an excuse to hold you close to me.

  “Yes, I will,” she promises.

  My heart lurks. I see a hint of light coming through the dullness of her orbs. “Then I’ll stay,” I promise her back.

  I pull out her chair and finally realize that her family is watching us closely. Angel hesitantly takes the seat, then briefly scans around the table before peering through her lashes up at me. “Would you like to sit here for dinner? There’s no one sitting next to me.” She asks with hope in her voice.

  A tightness expands across my chest. I can’t. How can I sit through a dinner pretending I don’t know who they are? “I would love too, but I can’t…” I watch the light in her eyes flicker and die off.

  Fuck, I can’t leave her now.

  “Well, if your family doesn’t mind,” I hear myself telling her.

  She looks expectantly to her mom who is sitting across from her. “Mom?”

  “That’s fine,” she answers monotone.

  I push the chair in for Angel, making sure my fingers brush up against her skin. I hear her breath hitch. I take the seat next to her, grinning because I feel like the man—she reacted to my touch.

  “Thank you,” I tell her mom.

  She smiles back with forced warmth. “And you are?”

  “He’s one of the realtors,” Angel answers for me.

  I look back and forth between the two. She’s identical to her mom with the same striking brown eyes and beautiful long dark hair. But I notice something else; something that’s making me cringe inside. I’ve never seen a mom look at her child the way Angel’s mom looks at Angel.

  “I was speaking to him,” her mom sneers.

  Angel doesn’t react; she just sits blank face without speaking. I purposely tap her foot to bring her back to life and she startles. Her mom narrows her eyes.

  “Angel, you are such—”

  “Honey,” Daniel coos, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulder. “Our clients would like to meet you.”

  Perfect timing, Daniel.

  He gives me a curious look before taking his wife away.

  “Do you really want to stay and listen to your dad’s speech?” I ask, feeling the need to take her away.

  “Angel, don’t you dare leave,” her sister hisses. “Mom will lose her mind.”

  “Then keep her busy.” Angel stands up, taking my hand, and I follow her lead.

  “Oh my God, she’s really leaving…” I hear her sister gasp behind us.

  We move together without talking until we’re down in the hotel lobby. “I have to take something real quick.” She digs her hand into the valley of her breast.

  What the fuck?

  She pulls out a tiny plastic baggie filled with pills. I yank it out of her hand, gripping the tiny bag in my palm. “What. The. Hell. Is. This?”

  “Give it back,” she demands, swiping her hands in front of me to reach for her pills.

  “Not until you tell me what they are.” I hold my arm above my head.

  “Look, just mind your own business, okay?” Her eyes lock on my hand. “Please…” She starts to cry, never losing her focus on the pills.

  I drop my arm and stuff the bag into my pants pocket. “No,” I breathe. “I care about you too much to stand here and watch you put poison into your body.”

  “What?” She wipes her tears away. “But we just met…”

  “No, Angel, we met four years ago. We bumped into each other at your dad’s business and then at the beach…” I choke out the last word. “We made plans to meet each other the next day…do you not remember?”

  She closes her eyes and I watch as the tears trickle down her cheek one by one.

  “I thought you were just a dream I had, but I wasn’t sure.” She softly shakes her head. “That was the first night I tried my happy pills…I woke up wishing you were real.”

  “Why didn’t you come meet me the next day? And why the fuck are you taking these pills?” I growl, my anger rising to the surface.

  “I couldn’t get out of bed…” she whispers.

  “Because of the damn pills,” I say sadly. “Why? Why, can’t you fucking meditate or do yoga or anything other than the damn pills…why?”

  “If you lived my life, you’d understand. But you don’t, so you can’t stand here judging me!” She cries reaching for my pocket.

  I put my hand up. “Stop, please stop. You don’t need them.”

  “I do,” she quietly sobs, wrapping her arms around herself.

  “Let me show you tonight that you don’t need the pills. Let me make you believe that you can be happy without them.”

  She sighs. “Take me away. I don’t think I can be here any longer.”

  I pull her in, hugging her close to my body, wishing that my warmth would somehow comfort her. We leave the hotel and all I can hear is my heart beating next to hers. I’ve wai
ted four long years to hold her again. As we walk to my car, the chill night air starts to give her goose bumps, so I stop walking to let her go and remove my jacket for her, but she wraps her arms tighter around my body.

  “I’m fine, please just hold me.”

  I kiss the top of her head and continue walking to the car. “It’s too cold to be out. Do you trust me enough to go back to my place with me?” I ask softly as we reach my vehicle.

  “Only if you’re not a serial killer,” she whispers, looking up to me for reassurance in the most possibly adoring way—with pouty lips and frowning brows.

  “I’m not.” I smile, thinking about the day on the beach. She asked the same question then. And crazy as it might sound, I wanted to be the one she came to for protection.

  As I drive away from the parking spot, I glance at Angel in disbelief. I can’t believe she’s here with me right now. How the hell did this happen? The whole night is a blur of events, and now Angel is here in my car going back to my place. What are we going to do when we get there?

  Angel stirs in her seat. “You’re real,” she whispers. “I was so stoned that night, and when I woke up the next morning…well, the day before felt like it was just a dream. I only remembered bits and pieces, and your face was cloudy in my memory. I cried all day, wanting you to be real.”

  I take her hand, bringing it to my lips.

  “And the clearest thing I could remember was you promising to see me again, but I…the pills…they took over my body, my limbs were like jelly.” She sobs quietly. “I wanted so bad to go see if you really existed, but my parents got into a really bad fight, so I took more of the pills to drown out my sorrow.”

  She takes her hand away from me and covers her face with both of her hands. “We could have been together since then,” she muffles.

  I pull the car along the curb, and cut off the engine, then unbuckle her seatbelt and pull her onto my lap, crushing her body to mine. I hug her as tight as I can before grabbing her face with both my hands.

  “We’re here now, forget about the past,” I murmur.

  She nods, her face streaked with tears. I pause to take in this beautiful woman in front me before I kiss all her tears away. She sucks in a breath when my lips graze closely to hers.